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Relationships: When you love, who do you love first?

You know it is really crazy how you can love someone more than you love yourself, and not even realize it. Or even care about someone else, more than you care for yourself. You always tell your friends that you would never be the one, it could never be you in that situation. We tend to confuse love and the desire to be loved, which is a strong feeling of wanting to have something that resembles that intense feeling of deep affection (love). We want that intense explosion that oozes through our veins, when we passionately feel a connection with someone. However, love is a dangerous thing, just as much as it is a beautiful thing. So dangerous that we lose ourselves, values, morals, and any resemblance of the person we used to see in the mirror - if we don't experience love the"right" way. Also, the "right" way has different meaning to many people.

Lately I have been a witness to a lot of desire to be loved, just as a Black women trying to live in this generation...I felt that feeling once in a situationship and I thought it may be love. You know the oozing through your veins, can't eat, can't sleep feeling. But now, at 23, I can definitely tell you I was nowhere close to it. I had the desire to be loved, to experience something that I knew I would never get from the boys I dealt with yet I went for it anyway. Especially, because I know now what love is with my boyfriend. I have never felt it before, the "right" feeling, until him. Love with him makes me feel safe, makes me feel at ease, and is an ignition sometimes, but not all the time. In my theory, love should not be on fire all the time.

When it is on fire all the time, there is almost too much passion and you may disagree reading this. However, these are my thoughts and what I have witnessed/dealt with first hand. Passion tends to equate to fights, nasty energy and jealousy, that you disguise as love. That is not love. It makes me sick to my stomach, when I saw the person I was becoming having this desire to be loved (and not even knowing it). I let a few bad situations distract me from my goals and my morals. Leading me to make inadequate choices and losing parts of myself along the way. And I promise you it took a while to reclaim those parts of myself, and I am still doing so today.

This can also happen when you like someone a lot. It does not just have to be love. We develop these relationships that we think we can not live without. It diminishes our self esteem and makes us lose all confidence in ourselves. I have a lot of people I love that I felt needed to hear this. You are loved, you are freaking amazing, and you don't need a man for anything. Actually you do not need anybody for anything. Life offers us so much and we get distracted when we get that feeling. The oozing and intense desire to be loved. Instead of the man or women that is suppose to elevate us, we chose the boy or girl that has their head way in the clouds and he/she doesn't know you or see you.

Reclaim yourself! Do not let anyone make you lose sight of that or make you make unreasonable choices in this life. You get a few chances to make mistakes, but don't make anyone run your life with those mistakes you made. When we love and decide to leave because it was not right, you shouldn't harbor any negative feelings towards yourself. As you ponder on the relationship that once was and you feel that self-esteem going down without that person or you are thinking you were the negativity with that person, this means they were not giving you the "right" feeling. They were not loving you the "right" way.

When you love, who do you love first? I'll let you answer that...

Me and bae...I had to love me first before I fell in love with him.

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