University of California, Berkeley’s website defines forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness. The university noted this is how Psychologists generally explain the word.
“To release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person who has harmed you, regardless if they actually deserve it.” The last part pokes at me because many people I chose to forgive did not deserve it. But if I did not release the feelings I had towards them, I would be stuck. I would be penalized. I would still be hurt. I would carry that bitterness into other relationships.
Someone very close to me and still in my life deserved to be forgiven. If I did not forgive them, I would have treated those I love wrong, and they did not deserve that. So, I had to open the door of forgiveness and close the door of hurt. I want my Vital Vhannahs to pay attention to that last part, closing the door of hurt and pain is the only way to move on. I am not telling you to forgive and forget, because I personally think you shouldn’t forget. When you forget I think that opens the door repeatedly for more pain from the same individual or group. However, if you are person that chooses to remember and know it will harm you or the individual in the end. THEN MOVE ON AND FORGET IT. You can’t avoid pain, it is a part of life and growth...growing pains.
If you do not resolve a problem, it can not only affect your mental health but your physical health. Johns Hopkins Medicine had an article about your physical health depending on forgiveness. Studies show forgiveness can reduce the risk of heart attack, improve sleep, lower blood pressure, and levels of anxiety. Johns Hopkins also points out that you are not just saying words to forgive someone, you must actively release these feelings. The article even points out how you start to feel empathy, compassion and sometimes even affection for those who wronged you.
Yes, you can feel bad for someone who harmed you. But, you must always remember that you need to put you first. No one will look out for you the way you do, and you can’t be alone for the rest of your life either. One person can not control every relationship you have, because every person is different and now you are different after accepting the process of forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a virtue of life. Releasing the negativity in your experience with someone who hurt you will go a long way in life. Most importantly, forgive yourself. We do not always make the "right" choices and it is about how you learn from it. It is about how you get back up from it all. Every relationship in your life should follow this, whether your family, significant other, friendships, work relationships, etc. Move on and forgive…
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